April 10

April 10 – AM          Page 178, Doctor Bob’s Nightmare, Part I

About the time of the beer experiment I was thrown in with a crowd of people who attracted me because of their seeming poise, health, and happiness.  They spoke with great freedom from embarrassment, which I could never do, and they seemed very much at ease on all occasions and appeared very healthy.  More than these attributes, they seemed to be happy.  I was self conscious and ill at ease most of the time, my health was at the breaking point, and I was thoroughly miserable.  I sensed they had something I did not have, from which I might readily profit.  I learned that it was something of a spiritual nature, which did not appeal to me very much, but I thought it could do no harm.  I gave the matter much time and study for the next two and a half years, but still got tight every night nevertheless.  I read everything I could find, and talked to everyone who I thought knew anything about it.

April 10 – PM          Pages 35-36, More About Alcoholism, Chapter 3

Our first example is a friend we shall call Jim.  This man has a charming wife and family.  He inherited a lucrative automobile agency.  He had a commendable World War record.  He is a good salesman.  Everybody likes him.  He is an intelligent man, normal so far as we can see, except for a nervous disposition.  He did no drinking until he was thirty-five.  In a few years he became so violent when intoxicated that he had to be committed.  On leaving the asylum he came into contact with us.
We told him what we knew of alcoholism and the answer we had found.  He made a beginning.  His family was re-assembled, and he began to work as a salesman for the business he had lost through drinking.  All went well for a time, but he failed to enlarge his spiritual life.  To his consternation, he found himself drunk half a dozen times in rapid succession.  On each of these occasions we worked with him, reviewing carefully what had happened.  He agreed he was a real alcoholic and in a serious condition.  He knew he faced another trip to the asylum if he kept on.  Moreover, he would lose his family for whom he had a deep affection.
Yet he got drunk again.