Week 18
“A Vision For You”
Week number 18, Chapter 11, A Vision for You, pages 151 to 164. Chapter 11, A Vision for You.
For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship, and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom, and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good.
But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did, and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt and one more failure.
The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself, as we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm. The chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did. Then would come oblivion, and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen—Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand.
The Jumping-Off Place
Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment, says, "I don't miss it at all. Feel better, work better, having a better time." As ex-problem drinkers, we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn't happy about his sobriety.
He cannot picture life without alcohol. Someday he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.
We have shown how we got out from under. You say, "Yes, I'm willing. But am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring, and glum, like some righteous people I see? I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?"
Yes, there is a substitute, and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom, and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.
Finding the Fellowship
How is that to come about, you ask? Where am I to find these people? You are going to meet these new friends in your own community. Near you, alcoholics are dying helplessly, like people in a sinking ship. If you live in a large place, there are hundreds. High and low, rich and poor, these are future fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. Among them you will make lifelong friends. You will be bound to them with new and wonderful ties, for you will escape disaster together and you will commence shoulder to shoulder your common journey. Then you will know what it means to give of yourself, that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full meaning of "Love thy neighbor as thyself."
It may seem incredible that these men are to become happy, respected, and useful once more. How can they rise out of such misery, bad repute, and hopelessness? The practical answer is that since these things have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you wish them above all else, and be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they will come. The age of miracles is still with us. Our own recovery proves that.
Our hope is that when this chip of a book is launched on the world tide of alcoholism, defeated drinkers will seize upon it, to follow its suggestions. Many, we are sure, will rise to their feet and march on. They will approach still other sick ones, and fellowships of Alcoholics Anonymous may spring up in each city and hamlet, havens for those who must find a way out.
The Beginnings in Akron
In the chapter "Working with Others," you gathered an idea of how we approach and aid others to health. Suppose now that through you several families have adopted this way of life. You will want to know more of how to proceed from that point. Perhaps the best way of treating you to a glimpse of your future will be to describe the growth of the fellowship among us. Here is a brief account:
Years ago, in 1935, one of our number [Bill W.] made a journey to a certain western city. From a business standpoint, his trip came off badly. Had he been successful in his enterprise, he would have been set on his feet financially, which at the time seemed vitally important. But his venture wound up in a lawsuit and bogged down completely. Bitterly discouraged, he found himself in a strange place, discredited and almost broke.
Still physically weak and sober but a few months, he saw that his predicament was dangerous. He wanted so much to talk with someone, but whom? One dismal afternoon he paced the hotel lobby, wondering how his bill was to be paid. At one end of the room stood a glass-covered directory of local churches. Down the lobby a door opened into an attractive bar. He could see the gay crowd inside. In there he would find companionship and release. Unless he took some drinks, he might not have the courage to scrape an acquaintance and would have a lonely weekend.
Of course he couldn't drink, but why not sit hopefully at a table, a bottle of ginger ale before him? After all, had he not been sober six months now? Perhaps he could handle, say, three drinks, no more. Fear gripped him. He was on thin ice. Again it was the old insidious insanity, that first drink. With a shiver, he turned away and walked down the lobby to the church directory. Music and gay chatter still floated to him from the bar.
But what about his responsibilities? His family and the men who would die because they would not know how to get well? Ah yes, those other alcoholics. There must be many such in this town. He would phone a clergyman. His sanity returned and he thanked God. Selecting a church at random from the directory, he stepped into a booth and lifted the receiver.
The Meeting of the Founders
His call to the clergyman led him presently to a certain resident of the town [Dr. Bob], who, though formerly able and respected, was then nearing the nadir of alcoholic despair. It was the usual situation: home in jeopardy, wife ill, children distracted, bills in arrears and standing damaged. He had a desperate desire to stop, but saw no way out, for he had earnestly tried many avenues of escape. Painfully aware of being somehow abnormal, the man did not fully realize what it meant to be alcoholic.
(Note: This refers to Bill’s first visit with Dr. Bob. These men later became co-founders of A.A. Bill’s story opens the text of this book; Dr. Bob’s heads the Story Section.)
When our friend related his experience, the man agreed that no amount of willpower he might muster could stop his drinking for long. A spiritual experience, he conceded, was absolutely necessary, but the price seemed high upon the basis suggested. He told how he lived in constant worry about those who might find out about his alcoholism. He had, of course, the familiar alcoholic obsession that few knew of his drinking. Why, he argued, should he lose the remainder of his business only to bring still more suffering to his family by foolishly admitting his plight to people from whom he made his livelihood? He would do anything, he said, but that.
Being intrigued, however, he invited our friend to his home. Some time later, and just as he thought he was getting control of his liquor situation, he went on a roaring bender. For him, this was the spree that ended all sprees. He saw that he would have to face his problems squarely, that God might give him mastery.
One morning he took the bull by the horns and set out to tell those he feared what his trouble had been. He found himself surprisingly well received and learned that many knew of his drinking. Stepping into his car, he made the rounds of people he had hurt. He trembled as he went about, for this might mean ruin, particularly to a person in his line of business. At midnight he came home exhausted, but very happy. He has not had a drink since. As we shall see, he now means a great deal to his community, and the major liabilities of thirty years of hard drinking have been repaired in four.
The Third Member
But life was not easy for the two friends. Plenty of difficulties presented themselves. Both saw that they must keep spiritually active. One day they called up the head nurse of a local hospital. They explained their need and inquired if she had a first-class alcoholic prospect.
She replied, "Yes, we’ve got a corker. He’s just beaten up a couple of nurses. Goes off his head completely when he’s drinking, but he’s a grand chap when he’s sober, though he’s been in here eight times in the last six months. Understand that he was once a well-known lawyer in town, but just now we’ve got him strapped down tight."
(Note: This refers to Bill’s and Dr. Bob’s first visit to A.A. #3, Bill Dotson. This resulted in A.A.’s first group at Akron, Ohio, in 1935.)
Here is a prospect, all right, but by the description, none too promising. The use of spiritual principles in such cases was not so well understood as it is now. But one of the friends said, "Put him in a private room. We’ll be down."
Two days later, a future fellow of Alcoholics Anonymous stared glassily at the strangers beside his bed. "Who are you fellows, and why this private room? I was always in a ward before."
"We’re giving you a treatment for alcoholism," said one of the visitors.
Hopelessness was written large on the man’s face as he replied, "Oh, but that’s no use. Nothing would fix me. I’m a goner. The last three times I got drunk on the way home from here. I’m afraid to go out the door. I can’t understand it."
For an hour the two friends told him about their drinking experiences. Over and over he would say, "That’s me, that’s me, I drink like that." The man in the bed was told of the acute poisoning from which he suffered, how it deteriorates the body of an alcoholic and warps his mind. There was much talk about the mental state preceding the first drink.
"Yes, that’s me," said the sick man. "The very image. You fellows know your stuff all right, but I don’t see what good it’ll do. You fellows are somebody. I was once, but I’m a nobody now. From what you tell me, I know more than ever I can’t stop."
At this, both the visitors burst into a laugh. Said the future fellow anonymous, "Damn little to laugh about that I can see."
The two friends spoke of their spiritual experience and told him about the course of action they carried out. He interrupted, "I used to be strong for the church, but that won't fix it. I’ve prayed to God on hangover mornings and sworn that I’d never touch another drop, but by 9:00 I’d be as boiled as an owl."
Next day found the prospect more receptive. He had been thinking it over. "Maybe you’re right," he said. "God ought to be able to do anything." Then he added, "He sure didn't do much for me when I was trying to fight this booze racket alone."
On the third day, the lawyer gave his life to the care and direction of his Creator, and said he was perfectly willing to do anything necessary. His wife came, scarcely daring to be hopeful, though she thought she saw something different about her husband already. He had begun to have a spiritual experience. That afternoon, he put on his clothes and walked from the hospital a free man. He entered a political campaign, making speeches, frequenting men’s gathering places of all sorts, often staying up all night. He lost the race by only a narrow margin, but he had found God, and in finding God, had found himself. That was in June 1935. He never drank again.
The Group Grows
So you see there were three alcoholics in that town who now felt they had to give to others what they had found or be sunk. After several failures to find others, a fourth turned up. He proved to be a devil-may-care young fellow. He suffering horribly from his sprees, but it seemed as if nothing could be done for him. He consented, however, to go to the hospital where he occupied the very room recently vacated by the lawyer. He had three visitors. After a bit, he said, "The way you fellows put this spiritual stuff makes sense. I’m ready to do business. I guess the old folks were right after all." So one more was added to the fellowship.
All this time, our friend of the hotel lobby incident remained in that town. He was there three months. He now returned home, leaving behind his first acquaintance, the lawyer, and the devil-may-care chap. These men had found something brand new in life. Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary. It was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves for others.
They shared their homes, their slender resources, and gladly devoted their spare hours to fellow sufferers. They were willing by day or night to place a new man in the hospital and visit him afterward. They grew in numbers. They experienced a few distressing failures, but in those cases they made an effort to bring the man’s family into a spiritual way of living, thus relieving much worry and suffering.
A year and six months later, these three had succeeded with seven more. Seeing much of each other, scarce an evening passed that someone’s home did not shelter a little gathering of men and women, happy in their release, and constantly thinking how they might present their discovery to some newcomer.
The Weekly Meeting
In addition to these casual get-togethers, it became customary to set apart one night a week for a meeting to be attended by anyone or everyone interested in a spiritual way of life. Aside from fellowship and sociability, the prime object was to provide a time and place where new people might bring their problems. Outsiders became interested. One man and his wife placed their large home at the disposal of this strangely assorted crowd.
Many a distracted wife has visited this house to find loving and understanding companionship among women who knew her problem. Many a man yet dazed from his hospital experience has stepped over the threshold of that home into freedom. He succumbed to that gay crowd inside, who laughed at their own misfortunes and understood his.
The stimulating and electric atmosphere of the place conspired to let him know that here was haven at last. The very practical approach to his problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people had were irresistible. He and his wife would leave elated by the thought of what they could now do for some stricken acquaintance and his family.
A New Way of Living
But life among Alcoholics Anonymous is more than attending gatherings and visiting hospitals. It is cleaning up old scrapes, helping to settle family differences, explaining the disinherited son to his irate parents, lending money and securing jobs for each other. When justified, these are everyday occurrences. No one is too discredited or has sunk too low to be welcomed cordially, if he means business.
Social distinctions, petty rivalries, and jealousies—these are laughed at and countenanced. Being wrecked in the same vessel, being restored and united under one God, with hearts and minds attuned to the welfare of others, the things which matter so much to some people no longer signify much to them.
Under only slightly different conditions, the same thing is taking place in many eastern cities. Someday we hope that every alcoholic who journeys will find a fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous at his destination. To some extent this is already true. Little clusters of twos and threes and fives of us have sprung up in other communities. Thus we grow, and so can you.
A Source of Power
Though you be but one man with this book in your hand, we believe and hope it contains all you will need to begin. We know what you are thinking. You are saying to yourself, "I’m jittery and alone. I couldn’t do that." But you can. You forget you have just now tapped a source of power much greater than yourself. To duplicate with such backing what we have accomplished is only a matter of willingness, patience, and labor.
We know of an A.A. member who was living in a large community. This was only a few days ago at this writing, 1939. He got in touch with a prominent psychiatrist who was exceedingly anxious to adopt any workable method of handling the situation. Our friend proceeded to tell him, and with such good effect that the doctor agreed to a test among his patients. So our fellow worker will soon have friends galore. More than half of those approached will become Fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous.
The Path Forward
Still you may say, "But I will not have the benefit of contact with you who write this book." We cannot be sure. God will determine that. So you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.
Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is a great fact for us.
Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
May God bless you and keep you until then.
Daily Readings