Week 12
Steps Eight & Nine Questionnaire, second part of “Into Action”
Week number 12. I will now read Step 8 and 9 questionnaires, followed by the reading "Into Action," page 76, third paragraph to the bottom of second paragraph, page 84.
Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory (List from Step 4). Add names if any have been missed.
Step 9: Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember, it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcoholism.
Areas for Amends (Page 76)
Consult with a member of your group regarding these specific areas:
A. Domestic troubles.
B. Debts/Money.
C. Criminal offenses.
D. Employer/Business problems.
E. Character assassination.
F. Family.
The Nine Step Promises
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through:
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity.
We will know peace.
We will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity would disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Into Action: The Practical Application (Pages 76–84)
Now we need more action, without which we find that faith without works is dead. Let's look at Steps 8 and 9. We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes.
Tact and Strategy
Probably there are still some misgivings. As we look over the list of business acquaintances and friends we have hurt, we may feel diffident about going to some of them on a spiritual basis. Let us be reassured. To some people, we need not and probably should not emphasize the spiritual feature on our first approach. We might prejudice them. Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.
It is seldom wise to approach an individual who still smarts from our injustice to him and announce that we have "gone religious." Why lay ourselves open to being branded fanatics or religious bores? But our man is sure to be impressed with a sincere desire to set right the wrong. He is going to be more interested in a demonstration of goodwill than in our talk of spiritual discoveries. We don't use this as an excuse for shying away from God, but we use tact and common sense.
Approaching Enemies
The question of how to approach the man we hated will arise. Nevertheless, with a person we dislike, we take the bit in our teeth. It is harder to go to an enemy than to a friend, but we find it much more beneficial to us. We go to him in a helpful and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret.
Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue. We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worthwhile can be accomplished until we do so. We stick to our own faults. In nine cases out of ten, the unexpected happens and feuds of years' standing melt away in an hour.
Financial Amends
Most alcoholics owe money. We do not dodge our creditors. Telling them what we are trying to do, we make no bones about our drinking. Arranging the best deal we can, we let these people know we are sorry. We must lose our fear of creditors, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them.
Criminal Offenses & Alimony
Perhaps we have committed a criminal offense which might land us in jail. Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be.
Usually, however, other people are involved. Therefore, we are not to be the hasty and foolish martyr who would needlessly sacrifice others. Consider the man who owed alimony; by staying out of jail and communicating honestly, he was able to eventually adjust the whole situation and provide for both families. Before taking drastic action which might implicate others, we secure their consent.
Restoring Reputation: A Story
This brings to mind a story about one of our friends. While drinking, he ruined the reputation of a rival to cover his own wrongdoing. After consulting with his wife and partner, he came to the conclusion that it was better to take those risks than to stand before his Creator guilty of ruinous slander. He made a public explanation at his church. His action met widespread approval, and today he is one of the most trusted citizens of his town.
Domestic and Sex Relations
Drinking complicates sex relations in the home. After a few years with an alcoholic, a wife gets worn out, resentful, and uncommunicative. The husband begins to feel lonely and sorry for himself, seeking excitement elsewhere. Whatever the situation, we usually have to do something about it.
If we are sure our wife does not know of an affair, should we tell her? Not always. We should admit our own faults, but we have no right to involve another person or needlessly name names upon whom she can vent jealousy. Each might pray about it, having the other one's happiness uppermost in mind. Good generalship may decide that the problem be attacked on the flank rather than risk face-to-face combat.
The Home as a Tornado Path
Sometimes we hear an alcoholic say that the only thing he needs to do is to keep sober. The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Affections have been uprooted. He is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined and remarked, "Ain't it grand the wind stopped blowing?"
Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead. A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won't fill the bill. We ought to sit down with the family and frankly analyze the past, being very careful not to criticize them. Ask each morning in meditation that our Creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness, and love. Spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it
Conclusion
Our behavior will convince them more than our words. We should be sensible, tactful, considerate, and humble without being servile. As God's people, we stand on our feet; we don't crawl before anyone.
If we are painstaking, the Promises will materialize. They are being filled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Homework: Week 12
Reread: Page 76, third paragraph, to the bottom of page 84.
Read: Pages 84 to 88.
Step 10 & 11: Pass out questionnaires; complete with a member of the group before next week.
Daily: Read pages 86, 87, and 88 every morning and night, and do what it says.
Daily Readings